Hello, everyone! I hope everyone is having a great day. I am glad that you have stopped by my Blogger and I do hope you enjoy reading my Blogs. I hope that you will let me know what you think of them. Each blog will be different. Some will be about my life and others will be about things I enjoy or hate but most should be positive. I hope that you will return.
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Lately, I have been wondering how the lower class even survives. There are very little jobs out there and none of them pay enough for anyone to live alone. However, living with others is tricky because most people are not good roommates. They either do not pay their bills on time or are complete slobs and will not clean anything.
What does a lower class person do, if they do not have someone they can trust to be a good roommate?
Well, here is what happens. They have very bad rental history and live paycheck to paycheck praying that this paycheck will be enough to cover everything, most of the time it does not even cover the rent, let alone the electricity or food.
Yes, there are food stamps and even people to help you out with your rent but most of the time that money is already taken or never enough. Therefore, they put their stuff in storage, try their best to keep their job, and not be forced on the streets.
They live with friends and/or family until they think they have enough to start living on their own or they are kicked out, whichever comes first. Once, your friends and family are used up, you have no other choice but to live on the streets.
How do I know all of this?
Well, I am one of those broke souls. I have tried to make it so many times but have failed each time. Whenever I think I am going to be okay and I am finally going to make it, something always happens to push me down.
I am currently back there again. I am afraid that I may end up back on the streets.
Yes, I could live with my birth family out in the middle of nowhere but they are so benighted and callow that I just get frustrated. In addition, they do not let me use the car when I need it. This is going to cause issues, since I am now employed inside the city. In addition, I am going to college.
Sorry, I cannot tell you where because one, I don’t want people just showing up, saying I read your Blog, and two, I have a crazy ex that wishes my family and myself harm. Therefore, I am just going to put the city, meaning San Antonio for now.
Anyways, if I go live outside of the city, I will not be able to improve my status nor will I be able to make it to any of my current obligations, which I have committed too. I have used all the friends I have that would let me live with them, so I have nowhere to go at the moment.
Now, you see I do not know if I am really going to lose my new place or not. My sister helped me out, so I am not mad at her but I am upset, because I was counting on her to help me out.
I lost my job at Jim’s Restaurant, not, because I was a bad server and not, because I did not do my work. It was because I did not show-up. I called occasionally when my body would let me, but I did not show-up.
The reason I did not show was that my body was just too tired to go to work or to do anything at all. You see, I could have been in the middle-class or even made my way in this world but I suffer from what is known as "Healthy Hypersomnia".
Yes, it is called “Healthy” but to me it is not that healthy. You see I sleep most of my life away. Yes, I am up most days and yes, I am capable of working, it is just that I cannot wake up for the life of me.
I can sleep 12 some odd hours and be up for 6 to 8 and then my body wants to crash again for 12 or more hours. I have slept up to 72 hours before which is scary in itself.
I have gone through three different sleep studies and no matter how many I have gone to, no one can give me any answers on how to make it stop. I have heard it all, you have to be on drugs, or you just have poor sleeping habits.
Even if I go to bed at the exact same time every night for weeks on end, I can guarantee everyone that I will never wake up at the same time. It does not matter how many alarm clocks I set or who I have wake me up.
Now, there are people who have an easier time waking me up like my twin sister, my son, and even my dog, Nova, but that does not mean I will wake up or that I will be fully aware of the things going on around me.
I also have bouts of what is called Sleep Drunkenness. This means I appear awake to everyone except me. I have no idea what happens during my “Drunkenness” and I cannot tell you, if I yelled at you or if I told you, I was awake and would be somewhere or do something.
This has caused many issues in my life including losing many jobs and affecting my schooling. It also has affected my relationships with friends, family, and my romantic partners of the past.
I am even afraid of start a new relationship because I do not want to rely on anyone and I have seen what it does to my past relationships. Most of my past partners, do not understand my disability, they think I am joking or lying.
Even most of my family does not understand, I cannot blame them for not understanding but I am sick of having my heart broken repeatedly because of something I cannot control.
I have lost things that mean a lot to me, my jobs, my friends, my son (whom I have not really lost but feel I have not been there enough for him), and so much more.
I want to be a writer because I feel like I have a lot to say. I have finished my first book and I am even starting on my second. The thing is I do not have the money to publish my work with my own company, Garbhog. If I took it to other publishing companies, I doubt I would have much success because I could not go to any schedule book signings or anything.
I just do not do schedules very well. I am much better at an unstructured life but this world does not exist.
I also want to be a singer. I have a good voice but because of my sleeping problems, it would be hard for me to actually schedule concerts and meet deadlines. In addition, singer professionally, requires a lot of fluids, which I sometimes miss because I sleep so long.
I could accomplish both and perhaps, even make a good living at it but my sleep keeps me from doing anything. In addition, I cannot take a second job or even work more hours, if I want to continue to go through school but I have to figure out something and quick.
I cannot keep living like this because one day I will not be able to bounce back. I keep telling myself, if only I could get some sort of brake, then I would not have to continue to worry. All I want is to stop worrying about where the money is going to come from.
I do not want a lot. I want just enough to pay the bills and have food on the table. I just want to feel safe and know that things are going to get paid, but with the way things are right now, it is hard to have any hope.
My only peace in this world is my son’s smile, my family, my writing, and most of all my music. When everything seems hopeless, I turn on the Indigo Girls, Caroline Aiken, Danielle Howle, Bonnie Raitt, Dolly Parton, Heidi Hensley, Joan Armatrading, Martine Locke, Melissa Ferrick, Michelle Malone, Rachael Sage, Melissa Etheridge, or even Brian Ashley Jones.
There are so many good artists out there to listen to and none of them ever get their dues. I listen to so many types of music and I enjoy so much of them.
Music moves my soul in ways other things cannot. I guess it is my only true comfort.
It does not matter who you put on, as long as it has a beat and you can understand the words if there are any. I love all music but I guess I am steered more towards the girl bands and the genres of Folk, Rock, Country, Blues, Celtic, Pop, and Punk.
I guess I am saying there is not much in this world to make me want to stay here except for my son, my twin, my family, my writing, and music. I guess I am really lost, I just do not know what to do.
No doctor has the answer, no person really. I am just trying to make it through each day alive and thankful that I woke up even if I do not know what day it is or how long I have slept.
I know that, if I try to keep faith that good things do happen to good people and that we do not have to always struggle for the simplest of things such as food and doing our laundry, outside of a bucket. One day, things will turn around and I will not be lonely forever.
Peace,
Jalopy
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