What A Day

Hello folks!


I really hope that everyone is doing so much better than I am today. It’s been such a horrible day. It started with getting home late from work at 12:30-ish this morning. After getting off work, I walked home about two miles in the dark, cold night. I ended up right across from my old work before I almost past out. I walked over to Jim’s, you know the one that fired me illegally. For some reason employers seem to think that you need an update on a life-term condition covered by the Disabilities Act. As if Healthy Hypersomnia goes away, I wish! Anyways, that is a different topic. I crossed over to the other side of the street and went into my old work. My best friend Jennifer was working and another good friend Greg. Well both Gregs’ were working, the dishwasher and the server. I am talking about the server but I guess both can be considered friends. I was friends with everyone there! I did love my job so much.


Again, off topic! Oh,well, opps! Anyways, I went straight to the bar and plopped down. Greg, the server noticed me right away and gave me a slice of chocolate marble cake he had made. Yummy! However, I was not really in the mood for it, which is very weird because I am the girl who can eat her weight if not more in anything that contains massive amounts of sugar. I eat it anyways and he refilled my Dr. Pepper but put ice in it, which I hate, but I was too tired to say anything. I just sit there! I did talk a bit! Okay, so maybe I bitched about how I did one and a half tubs of silverware and then being told I could not go home before I rolled more but I had to wait for the dishwasher to actually arrive in an hour to wash them first! I was pissed even after walking two miles home in the dark! I told both Jennifer and Greg about it and I told them that I of course was not going to wait for someone to decide to come around and wash dishes! I was finished with all my side-work, was pissed off, and did over two tubs of dishes myself which, included a little over a tub of silverware! Then, I rolled them and walked my butt home. Well maybe not home yet! I sit there for a good while and had some Canadian Cheese Soup with Captain Crackers. Which was very good by the way!


After that, I went home and washed my uniform in an empty trashcan because the laundry room was closed and I was supposed to be at work at 3pm. Of course, this did not happen. I had to go to school, get my schedule and go by the food stamp office, give them some paperwork. I am supposed to start school next week on the 8th but this may not happen now! Oh, I am getting ahead of myself. After washing my uniform and hanging it to dry. I went upstairs and gave Jennifer’s boyfriend my keys so that someone could come and wake me up at least by noon the next day. They told me, my neighbor Joe was looking for me and that he was moving.


I started down the stairs to find him standing at his front door. I told him he was just the man I was looking for and that I had just heard that he wanted to talk with me before he moved. I talked to him a bit and found out that he had only stayed for me. Yes, me! Folks, this guy is in love with me and I’ve done nothing! My friends keep telling me it is because I am beautiful but I do not see it! Okay so maybe I am pretty but I not that pretty. Why is it that I keep braking all these straight guy’s hearts and why in the world are there so many. This is the seventh in less than a month. All I have done is try to be friends. I know I have a bubbly personality and all but, I just do not understand. I hate breaking anyone’s heart and to have this guy say that he only stayed in his apartment for me was shocking and slightly disturbing. I really like him as a person and only in a friendship way. I do not understand where I have gone wrong or even if it is me that is making a mistake. What is it that keeps these men doing this? I am starting to think it is only my boob size! Not my personality! Are men really that shallow or am I just doing something to attract them that I am completely unaware of? I am starting to think I will never know!


After talking with him, I went inside and went to bed. I was woken around noon by my friends, went upstairs, and had coffee and top roman. I talked with them a bit before heading back downstairs and putting my clothing in the drier because it was not dry yet. I then hopped in the shower and got ready to leave to do my running around. After retrieving my cloths and getting everything together, I took off and headed to the food stamp office first. This went smoothly and I was off again on the public transportation to my college. When I got to my school, I went straight to the financial aid office and talked to them to find out when I will get my money. Come to find out I have to wait a month to get it. I am pissed. I am trying to get them to push it through but I do not know if this is going to happen. In order to get my money I have to stay in school but without it I cannot do school. Now, I have to come up with part of the money by Tuesday or be dropped the next day. I do not have the best GPA right now because I have gone through a lot the last few semesters I was in school. I did start off with a 4.0 but have dropped down to a 1.8 which sucks but I want to turn that back around and if they do not work with me I do not think I can for a long time. I was so happy to be going back to school and now I may not be able too! I am devastated.


Right now I am sitting in a McD’s trying to think about my future and hoping that somewhere things will turn around. I have made so many changes over the past year or so and I want everything just to fall into place but it seems that no matter how hard I try I keep being pushed back down and struggling just to breathe. I am afraid I will end up back on the streets so to speak. I was not actually on the streets but I was living with others out of the kindness of their hearts. I do not that many friends that will let me live with them and I believe I have already used all my resources and maybe back in that same pit of shame again. Okay so maybe it is not shameful but to me it is. I have tried but the world seems to knock down the poor every time they finally find themselves making progress. I wonder if anyone cares. I know some must or we would not have groups out there doing so much good work for people. I guess some of us just fall through the cracks and I am one of them.


I am hoping that my book will help me start to get my head above water. I am finished with it but cannot seem to find the simple $35 to get it copyrighted. Every time I come up with the money, something always comes up and it is gone. I really want this book out there because some of it I really think is good. I also think that a few of the proses may make great lyrics to a song. I have some friends in the music industry that I really want to show them these few and see if they can help me write the music to it. I tried myself but without an instrument, I cannot be sure how it sounds or even if it is right at all. I wanted to put out my own record but I do not even know if that would happen. One I do not have the money and two I do not think I can play an instrument well enough to pull it off. I use to play the violin but I sold it to make rent. Big mistake let me tell you because now I do not have an instrument and I was pretty good. Now, it will take me a while to learn it all again. Anyways, I am now reworking on my second book and hope to be done in a year or so. The second one is coming to age story unlike my first one, which is only a mixture of poems, proses, and other literary work that I am not sure what it is. I thought the first one would be easier to put together because I had already finished most of the work over the years, it was more putting it together and typing it out. I was upset when my ex-girlfriend Sindy, destroyed my computer and totally ruined my hard-drive. I thought I lost it forever but was able to get the first book back through my friends who had my work on their computer but the other three books were lost so I thought. I found my second book but not the rest. The only problem was that the second book was not the whole thing and I had to retype it all but at least I had it right.


Anyways, I hope to somehow come up with the money for school or get them to work with me somehow so I can get this all done because I only need three classes to transfer and have to retake one I already past, my math, if I want to go onto the next level. In addition, I hope to have my book copyrighted soon so I can start putting it out there and I am hoping my friends will at least help me write the songs I want to write. Maybe even sing them for me or let me sing with them or even help me put out some of my own. For those that do not know my vocal abilities, I have song sense I was little in church choirs, school choirs, and just for fun. I am scared to death of singing by myself but can do it but shaky and scared the whole way through. I guess I am uncertain about how I sound because I use to be what is called a universal singer, which can sing with anyone high, or low does not matter but I have lost a lot of that because of GERD. I have tried lately to become more comfortable with the sound of my own voice and not having others sing with me, which I prefer all together. I have been told I am sort of a cross between the following, Joan Armatrading, Bonnie Raitt, and Patsy Cline. I take this as a compliment. I want to make my proses into music that sounds similar to this sound so I can sing to it. Anyways, it is just a hopeful dream and I do not even know if anything in my life will ever come to fruition as so much in my life has not already but one can only dream. I guess I am a big dreamer.


I hope again that all of you are doing well and I hope to be blogging soon again. Peace to all and please feed my fishes, they get hungry.


The one and only,


Jalopy